Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
