If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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