You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
