I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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