Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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