i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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