He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
