Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
