I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
