did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
