she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize