My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
