Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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