So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
