its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
