PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
