Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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