Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize