If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
