is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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