I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
