u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
