I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
