would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
