i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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