New invention idea: vibrating tampons
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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