What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
