He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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