OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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