Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
