I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
