I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize