Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
