mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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