I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
