I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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