your thong is hanging out like whoa
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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