WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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