Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
