Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
