Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
