the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
this hospital has no fireball
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
