i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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