Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
