she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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