she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
