my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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