the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I didn't notice because vodka
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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