If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
