PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
thus making me awesome and them whores
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
