You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
only if we run a train.
done.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
