Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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