I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
