So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
