Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
