You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
