obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
