90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize