just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
