Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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