Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
