Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
