I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize