What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
