whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
