you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
