she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
