Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
