I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She bit a glass in half.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize