I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
