Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
