I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
