No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
