this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
