i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Even my vagina gasped.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
