I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I love you.
Bad choice
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