I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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